tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25481777682014516362024-03-14T06:44:38.083-04:00{ { of ice and ashes } }rcsahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18422401034622054714noreply@blogger.comBlogger31125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2548177768201451636.post-79195535326579654642019-06-21T16:16:00.000-04:002019-06-21T16:16:05.882-04:00Second Time<div style="text-align: left;">
Softly, softly I watch you sleep</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Eyelids twitching as you dream.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Sleepless, I lay beside you.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Memories, memories</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Of last time, come unbidden.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Sudden cry, cry of pain.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Nighttime rush and hurry</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Waiting, waiting until</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Closed doors barred the way</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
As they wheeled you in.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Interminable, interminable</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Hours of agonized thoughts.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Circles, circles paced in vain.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Longing to see your face again,</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Wanting to see both you and him.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Finally, finally the doors reopen</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
And they bring you out.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Speechless, terrified, time moves</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Slowly, slowly enough to see</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
That something is wrong.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Lifeless, lifeless eyes do not see.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Limp arms drape over the edge.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
You are barely alive and I want</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
To scream, scream at everything,</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
But I must be strong for you.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Frantic, frantic dash to the O.R.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Tried to comfort you, but you were</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Too far gone to feel it.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Tears, tears falling on wet cheeks</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Impossible suspense and pain.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Finally, finally the nurse came out</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
And with her she brought him!</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
And with him my life, life had new light.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
But still I waited for you and</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Worried my heart out.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Safe, safe and whole, they brought</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
You back to your room.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
And my heart was full again.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Relieved, relieved you were alive</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Because I had feared you were not.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Then they showed, showed us our son</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
And I'd never felt such joy as when</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Looking upon you two together.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
And knowing, knowing everything</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Would be alright.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
And now, now I look upon you sleeping</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
And see your rounded belly,</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Anticipating, fretting about how</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
We are about to go through, through</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
This once again for her.</div>
rcsahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18422401034622054714noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2548177768201451636.post-7136939435356417202017-12-17T09:42:00.000-05:002017-12-17T09:42:50.990-05:00坏男人一夏天在你的身边<br />
说你喜欢我一点点<br />
开心的信你后来发现<br />
你不是我想的那个人<br />
<br />
秋天开始冷的天<br />
说你爱我还犯了贱<br />
我怎么都没有发现<br />
你会那么快的改变<br />
<br />
Chorus (副歌):<br />
坏男人说再见<br />
后来也在看不见<br />
你还是要点脸<br />
Bad Man 别出现<br />
<br />
寒冷的这个冬天<br />
终于明白了一点<br />
你的爱全都是谎言<br />
没有你才是我的春天<br />
<br />
Chorus x2<br />
<br />
没有你才是我的春天<br />
<br />
Bad man 别出现<br />
<br />
没有你才是我的春天<br />
<br />
*** A song I wrote in Chinese. Working on instrumental accompaniment at the moment. Who knows? Maybe you might great this somewhere someday. Please be nice, Mandarin is not my native language!rcsahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18422401034622054714noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2548177768201451636.post-66042508404412473252016-08-27T08:19:00.000-04:002016-08-27T08:19:15.638-04:00A Deeper PlaceShadowed boughs and coppered leaves<br />
The smell of frost upon the breeze<br />
I sit astride a branch and see<br />
A deeper place beneath the trees<br />
<br />
Far from all the sound and fury<br />
Silence reigns with calmest beauty<br />
Hardest choice laid out before me<br />
I want to leave - I'm so sorry.<br />
<br />
It's twilight now, the sun's gone down<br />
But still I cannot help but frown<br />
A tear I've shed without a sound<br />
For a friend beneath the ground<br />
<br />
Forgive me for I must atone<br />
For leaving you beneath this stone<br />
Such a dreary place and had I known.<br />
I'd never have left you so alone.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />rcsahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18422401034622054714noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2548177768201451636.post-8359003574670558892011-01-27T11:10:00.001-05:002011-01-27T11:10:54.636-05:00Memory Lane<p class="mobile-photo"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7z4BsfIBHDGnqzR96XD3AsQAylBd7j2Q3OqE7P0ZKvue0y4EwBET7dKfgETdWJb_3yxQepjClABXCGzSBV2vx51qAIo7D86V14Wnh6-h08MsnKR5YoFd4F2vzLzzuMLPL1etyuKeI9QXI/s1600/IMAG0045-754637.jpg"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7z4BsfIBHDGnqzR96XD3AsQAylBd7j2Q3OqE7P0ZKvue0y4EwBET7dKfgETdWJb_3yxQepjClABXCGzSBV2vx51qAIo7D86V14Wnh6-h08MsnKR5YoFd4F2vzLzzuMLPL1etyuKeI9QXI/s320/IMAG0045-754637.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5566898908057330594" /></a></p><div>I wander out</div><div>Across the halls</div><div>Of shattered thoughts</div><div>And broken dreams,</div><div>Where musty floors</div><div>And careless wisps</div><div>Of all I've lost</div><div>Caress my feet</div> <div>With gentle puffs</div><div>Of clinging dust</div><div>That coat my shoes</div><div>And weigh me down.</div><div><br></div><div>But, oh, the chains</div><div>I bear from you</div><div>That drag behind</div><div>With clouds of dust</div> <div>And dismal clangs</div><div>On hallowed ground,</div><div>Where peace is lost</div><div>And love has failed</div><div>But still persists</div><div>In shuffling pain</div><div>To struggle forth</div><div>Down memory lane.</div> rcsahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18422401034622054714noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2548177768201451636.post-87537104299623785112010-07-12T01:58:00.002-04:002010-07-12T02:32:44.617-04:00What does it mean to have an empty life?<br /><br />I have plenty to be happy about.<br /><br />I have much for which to be thankful.<br /><br />I have great friends. I have a wonderful family.<br /><br />I have known both love and heartbreak.<br /><br />I have experienced joy, anger, sadness, fear, boredom and laughter.<br /><br />I have accomplished and I have failed.<br /><br />I have learned much and look forward to learning much more.<br /><br />I have known both arrogant certainty and intense doubt.<br /><br />What am I missing?rcsahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18422401034622054714noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2548177768201451636.post-46751991858575122182010-06-07T00:16:00.003-04:002010-06-07T00:49:55.065-04:00Hearts<div>and so it was</div><div>that when i saw</div><div>that what she does</div><div>is give to me</div><div>her heart so free</div><div>the wetness flowed</div><div>from bright blue eyes</div><div>and seemed to glow</div><div>as tears ran down</div><div>i did not frown</div><div>as her smile shone</div><div>and my heart sang</div><div>like a new dawn</div><div>her hand in mine</div><div>our hearts entwined</div>rcsahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18422401034622054714noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2548177768201451636.post-19748101000646600392008-12-27T00:17:00.004-05:002008-12-27T00:46:33.542-05:00Veiled Mourningwe watched him frown<br />we watched him turn away<br />we watched him sigh<br />we watched him fade to grey<br /><br />we saw him cry<br />we saw him crawl<br />we saw him keel<br />we saw him fall<br /><br />we mourned his passing<br />we mourned his beauty bright<br />we mourned his presence<br />we mourned his spirit's light<br /><br />all in that moment<br />all in that place<br />all in that shadow<br />all in that face<br /><br />we knew he was dying<br />we knew he was failing<br />we knew he was fallen<br />we knew he was fading<br /><br />though we did nothing<br />though we stood by<br />though we watched all<br />though we didn't cry<br /><br />still he fought on<br />still he tried<br />still he struggled<br />still he diedrcsahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18422401034622054714noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2548177768201451636.post-43719150715865255242008-12-23T23:26:00.003-05:002008-12-24T00:30:59.958-05:00Siren's CallWalking empty streets<br />Not knowing the way<br />The future beneath my feet<br />Face turned to yesterday<br /><br />Thinking it was all unfair<br />It must have been fate<br />That you were standing there<br />'Ere it was too late<br /><br />I crashed into you unseeing<br />In this quiet place<br />Shaking my entire being<br />Though I never saw your face<br /><br />I couldn't hear<br />When you spoke to me<br />Blinded by fear<br />I somehow couldn't see<br /><br />But it was then that you said<br />That I should not be afraid<br />That I should look ahead<br />That my mistakes could be unmade<br /><br />I should have been listening<br />I should have seen<br />You were all I was missing<br />All that might have beenrcsahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18422401034622054714noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2548177768201451636.post-31839750474559323942008-10-12T15:52:00.005-04:002008-10-12T17:10:12.755-04:00Between Darkness and FlameI wrote what follows for fun; it may or may not appear in my book and will likely undergo serious rewrites when/if it does. Just throwing this out there to say that the show is indeed still on.<br /><br /><br /><br />It was the lone light of a candle that finally broke the darkness, sinuous shadows scattering wildly before the flickering flame. The light was so bright, after being blinded by the blackness, that she could not endure it, instead looking away with slitted eyes to assess the state of her body. Pain throbbed through her ankles in dull thrusts as if the iron manacles that encircled them were really serrated knives sawing through her flesh. Dark red rivulets oozed out from beneath the manacles to mingle with the dried crust of old blood. She could feel the weakness in her limbs. She struggled grimly to pull herself together, to sit up and face the candlebearer with stoic defiance, but it seemed that her body would not respond to her will. Nausea gripped her and she retched, though nothing came up but air. She collapsed on her side, breathing heavily. Still, she tried to face her tormentor. With as much feeble strength as she could muster, she tried to roll onto her back so she could see him. Sudden, harsh, derisive laughter greeted her ears, as the pain of a heavy blow hammered her head, followed by the return of sweet, merciful darkness.<br /><br />It felt like an eternity had passed, but the candlelight was still there when she awoke once more, though much dimmer. From where she lay, sprawled on her side, she could see the candle sitting on the stone floor, burning low and guttering. Her head pounded painfully, echoing the throbbing in her ankles, so it was some time before the implications of the candle's presence sank in. She froze. A voice hissed from the darkness behind her.<br /><br />"Where isss Nashhhina Arisssana? Where isss the Shhhadowsssong?"<br /><br />Copyright Ryan Adams, October 12, 2008 (oh yes, i take this very seriously)rcsahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18422401034622054714noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2548177768201451636.post-18680888091435103062008-08-20T21:30:00.001-04:002008-08-20T21:32:02.781-04:00HiatusThe Thesis keeps me busy.<br />Poetry and writing shall come again.<br />Fear not.rcsahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18422401034622054714noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2548177768201451636.post-19957981497495772282008-07-27T23:53:00.002-04:002008-07-28T00:17:37.828-04:00sunrisewillowy branches<br />dappled in shadow<br />sparkling with light<br />in the mellow dew<br />of morning's mistrcsahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18422401034622054714noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2548177768201451636.post-43845883653194256722008-07-04T01:56:00.003-04:002008-07-04T02:09:39.421-04:00lost in thoughtssitting by himself<br />in a lonely corner<br />eyes upon the ceiling<br />counting the cracks<br />sunbeams cross the floor<br />as time slowly passes<br />he watches the dust<br />float through the air<br />bones ache and groan<br />but still he sits alonercsahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18422401034622054714noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2548177768201451636.post-23101166858964369452008-07-04T01:55:00.000-04:002008-07-04T01:56:37.330-04:00a drop in the oceanshe sat alone upon the bluff<br />looking out across the sea<br />a song did issue from her lips<br />of sorrow soft and sweet<br />teardrops fell from her cheeks<br />to mingle far below<br />with salty waves and ocean spray<br />to drown in the deeprcsahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18422401034622054714noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2548177768201451636.post-44776759982682539502008-06-28T23:53:00.002-04:002008-06-29T00:03:08.501-04:00for friendshiptoday, i went to a housewarming party for a friend i've known for a long time. the theme of the party was that we had to create something decorative for her new room. some people made paintings and others made sculptures of fantastical creatures. my contribution was this poem, since i have very little artistic talent. my friend wrote it in watercolour paint and painted some flowers around it for me. the poem itself is lighthearted, but i think conveys the message of how all her friends care for her. the creatures in the poem are references to some of the paintings and sculptures that others created for her.<br /><br /><br />candles flicker and shadows dance<br />across the walls, figures prance<br />moving, changing with every glance<br />teasing you at every chance<br /><br />you may see a hedgehog there<br />or rabbits breeding everywhere<br />and a robot, to be fair<br />all have beauty, all are rare<br /><br />but look inside and you will see<br />that these creatures are meant to be<br />reflections of those you see<br />in your heart, roaming freercsahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18422401034622054714noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2548177768201451636.post-49841747031096206252008-06-23T12:56:00.003-04:002008-06-23T13:06:54.572-04:00old woundsappearing as if from thin air<br />a shimmering image of mist<br />in frosted, regal glory<br />she beheld ancient ruins<br />of a kingdom torn apart<br />in this there was no pain<br />only sadness in her heart<br />a reflection of her soul<br />lost in shadowsrcsahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18422401034622054714noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2548177768201451636.post-88562661333098222042008-06-15T21:53:00.002-04:002008-06-16T01:43:55.368-04:00a king in my own mindspinning further and deeper<br />i know you just want to help me<br />but i'm not in this to be your slave<br />push me harder, make me feel<br />like there's nothing in my world<br /><br />and then i close my eyes<br /><br />you judged me then, i used to be afraid<br />used to be afraid to let it show<br />but now i can drown the monster<br />make all the bad dreams go away<br />i refuse to be your slave<br /><br />and when i close my eyes<br /><br />a darkness falls, closing it all out,<br />brighter than any light of day<br />in there you cannot touch me<br />no matter how hard you may try<br />you judge me now, but i'm not bowed<br /><br />a king in my own mind<br /><br /><br />*** modified lyrics to suit my mood from the song "The Quiet Place" by In Flames. all credit for original lyrics go to them***rcsahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18422401034622054714noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2548177768201451636.post-47713632677507898362008-06-07T19:21:00.004-04:002008-06-08T01:49:57.568-04:00a sunny afternoonwe make music<br />in the daylight<br />watch the sun fly<br />across blue sky<br />we just lie here<br />on the green grass<br />breeze gently flows<br />as we compose<br />fingers entwined<br />lips softly brush<br />the music soars<br />we kiss some morercsahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18422401034622054714noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2548177768201451636.post-52296243048115428302008-05-24T17:23:00.007-04:002008-05-24T18:05:16.152-04:00upon the shores of eirein the darkest hours<br />we dance by moon's light<br />eyes shining brightly<br />shadows in the night<br />prancing on the sand<br />spirits taking flight<br />azure and emerald<br />such a wondrous sightrcsahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18422401034622054714noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2548177768201451636.post-74289695001765436252008-05-17T21:01:00.003-04:002008-05-17T21:55:41.773-04:00risks of wishesto sail around the world<br />to drive a fancy car<br />to ride a motorcycle<br />to travel very far<br /><br />to follow every dream<br />to catch a falling star<br />to make a wistful wish<br />to see her from afar<br /><br />to hope for her favour<br />to keep the door ajar<br />to allow her in my heart<br />to invite a future scarrcsahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18422401034622054714noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2548177768201451636.post-13258754023391948772008-05-16T01:07:00.002-04:002008-05-16T01:37:49.392-04:00mysteriousi look at her sometimes,<br />that girl who i love,<br />and i wonder<br />who is it that i see?<br /><br />a million worlds<br />behind those eyes,<br />inaccessible,<br />as she smiles at mercsahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18422401034622054714noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2548177768201451636.post-45201141426381531212008-05-01T23:11:00.003-04:002008-05-01T23:15:26.420-04:00day 1well, things got off to a good start today. i didn't get quite as much writing done as i would like, but that was because i felt the need to alter a few of my plans. in any case, i got enough done that my first chapter should be completed by either tomorrow or monday (since i am taking weekends off).<br /><br />it was so exciting to start writing again. i was all giddy and could not sleep the night before. i can't get ahead of myself though. i have a long, long way to go.rcsahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18422401034622054714noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2548177768201451636.post-9848064563593092102008-04-28T00:38:00.003-04:002008-04-28T00:51:50.295-04:00pulling up to the starting linei begin writing full-time on may 1st, starting at 9am. i will be working on my novel 8 hours a day, 5 days per week (at a minimum). since my last book update, i have gotten plenty of productive brainstorming done and have managed to nail down a key plot element for a later chapter.<br /><br />i've bottled up my writing for the past year, so i'm feeling like i have a lot to put down on paper. hopefully, i will be able to achieve quite a bit in the months to come. the plan is to finish and submit the manuscript for review by the end of august, 2009.<br /><br />of course, nothing ever goes according to plan, but i figure i had better get a move on.rcsahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18422401034622054714noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2548177768201451636.post-79616322955956084312008-04-21T16:54:00.000-04:002008-04-21T16:54:56.831-04:00a midnight trystgently whispered laughter<br />hearts are beating faster<br />muted sultry banter<br />clothing ripped to tatters<br />quiet moans thereafterrcsahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18422401034622054714noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2548177768201451636.post-68485511943223508422008-04-15T13:47:00.005-04:002008-04-18T16:08:43.350-04:00males telling tales over alesa bard with missing teeth<br />and a dirty, smelly thief<br />sat down telling tales<br />over misbegotten ales.<br />they sat on a tavern bench<br />to discuss a certain wench.<br />"she's mine!" the thief cried,<br />to which the bard replied:<br />"my friend, can't you see?<br />she belongs with me."<br />so they argued long and hard,<br />did the thief and the bard.<br />they argued into the night<br />and there may have been a fight,<br />but for the timely arrival<br />of she for whom they were rivals.<br />there she came, that lovely wench.<br />hips swaying, she passed the bench<br />"there she is," said the thief,<br />and the bard stared in disbelief.<br />but there she was, beauty fine,<br />and both thought: "she's divine!"<br /><br />the 'wench' came into the tavern,<br />as dimly lit as a cavern<br />it was, so dark and so dank<br />and the smell of sweat so rank,<br />that she dared not inhale,<br />as the air was rotten and stale.<br />but though it was dark and grim,<br />she pushed through the din<br />of dirty and rowdy patrons<br />and girls with soiled aprons.<br />somewhere within this place<br />a man lay with his face<br />in a sodden pool of ale<br />and vomit upon a table,<br />as was his custom nightly;<br />a disgrace most unsightly.<br />his daughter it was who came,<br />worried he may besmirch his name,<br />at the same time every night<br />to rouse him from his plight.<br />and so it was once more<br />that she walked through the door,<br />through the murky gloom<br />of the smoky room,<br />when whom did she espy<br />as she was walking by,<br />but two men telling tales<br />staring at her over ales.<br /><br />"come sit upon my bench,"<br />said the thief to the wench.<br />"are you jesting?" said the wench,<br />"you give off such a stench!"<br />"Don't mind him," said the bard,<br />"he always tries so hard,<br />but what he thinks ingratiation<br />comes across as desperation.<br />come to me and you will see<br />it is with me that you should be."<br />the wench began to laugh<br />and said "are you daft?<br />for toothless as you are,<br />your friend is better by far."<br />with that she walked away,<br />and thief to the bard did say:<br />"that wench will love me yet,<br />though she plays hard to get."<br />"forget it," said the singer,<br />"she's wrapped around my finger."<br />the girl retrieved her drunken father,<br />who could not see she was his daughter,<br />and brought him through the gloom<br />of the dirty, smoky room,<br />past the thief and bard<br />who were trying very hard<br />to pretend they didn't care<br />and that they didn't stare.<br />then when she had gone,<br />they both looked forlorn,<br />and like all rejected males,<br />they returned to their ales.rcsahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18422401034622054714noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2548177768201451636.post-3063422393176376352008-04-14T12:13:00.004-04:002008-04-14T12:53:39.304-04:00of ice and ashesthis blog is meant as an outlet for my creative energies, be that poetry (as witnessed by my first 6 posts) or any other idiosyncratic whimsy.<br /><br />it also serves as a place for news concerning the novel i am writing, tentatively entitled '<em>Exodeus</em>', which is the first in a planned series of eleven high fantasy novels.<br /><br />updates concerning this mighty endeavour will be infrequent, as i plan to spend the majority of the next year writing the novel with as few distractions as possible. happily, however, some of those few distractions may manifest themselves as poems or other minutiae on this blog. what's that you say? you couldn't care less about poems or minutiae? ahh well...rcsahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18422401034622054714noreply@blogger.com1