Second Time

Softly, softly I watch you sleep

Eyelids twitching as you dream.

Sleepless, I lay beside you.

Memories, memories

Of last time, come unbidden.

Sudden cry, cry of pain.

Nighttime rush and hurry

Waiting, waiting until

Closed doors barred the way

As they wheeled you in.

Interminable, interminable

Hours of agonized thoughts.

Circles, circles paced in vain.

Longing to see your face again,

Wanting to see both you and him.

Finally, finally the doors reopen

And they bring you out.

Speechless, terrified, time moves

Slowly, slowly enough to see

That something is wrong.

Lifeless, lifeless eyes do not see.

Limp arms drape over the edge.

You are barely alive and I want

To scream, scream at everything,

But I must be strong for you.

Frantic, frantic dash to the O.R.

Tried to comfort you, but you were

Too far gone to feel it.

Tears, tears falling on wet cheeks

Impossible suspense and pain.

Finally, finally the nurse came out

And with her she brought him!

And with him my life, life had new light.

But still I waited for you and

Worried my heart out.

Safe, safe and whole, they brought

You back to your room.

And my heart was full again.

Relieved, relieved you were alive

Because I had feared you were not.

Then they showed, showed us our son

And I'd never felt such joy as when

Looking upon you two together.

And knowing, knowing everything

Would be alright.

And now, now I look upon you sleeping

And see your rounded belly,

Anticipating, fretting about how

We are about to go through, through

This once again for her.

坏男人

一夏天在你的身边
说你喜欢我一点点
开心的信你后来发现
你不是我想的那个人

秋天开始冷的天
说你爱我还犯了贱
我怎么都没有发现
你会那么快的改变

Chorus (副歌):
坏男人说再见
后来也在看不见
你还是要点脸
Bad Man 别出现

寒冷的这个冬天
终于明白了一点
你的爱全都是谎言
没有你才是我的春天

Chorus x2

没有你才是我的春天

Bad man 别出现

没有你才是我的春天

*** A song I wrote in Chinese. Working on instrumental accompaniment at the moment. Who knows? Maybe you might great this somewhere someday. Please be nice, Mandarin is not my native language!

A Deeper Place

Shadowed boughs and coppered leaves
The smell of frost upon the breeze
I sit astride a branch and see
A deeper place beneath the trees

Far from all the sound and fury
Silence reigns with calmest beauty
Hardest choice laid out before me
I want to leave - I'm so sorry.

It's twilight now, the sun's gone down
But still I cannot help but frown
A tear I've shed without a sound
For a friend beneath the ground

Forgive me for I must atone
For leaving you beneath this stone
Such a dreary place and had I known.
I'd never have left you so alone.

Memory Lane

I wander out

Across the halls

Of shattered thoughts

And broken dreams,

Where musty floors

And careless wisps

Of all I've lost

Caress my feet

With gentle puffs

Of clinging dust

That coat my shoes

And weigh me down.

But, oh, the chains

I bear from you

That drag behind

With clouds of dust

And dismal clangs

On hallowed ground,

Where peace is lost

And love has failed

But still persists

In shuffling pain

To struggle forth

Down memory lane.

What does it mean to have an empty life?

I have plenty to be happy about.

I have much for which to be thankful.

I have great friends. I have a wonderful family.

I have known both love and heartbreak.

I have experienced joy, anger, sadness, fear, boredom and laughter.

I have accomplished and I have failed.

I have learned much and look forward to learning much more.

I have known both arrogant certainty and intense doubt.

What am I missing?

Hearts

and so it was

that when i saw

that what she does

is give to me

her heart so free

the wetness flowed

from bright blue eyes

and seemed to glow

as tears ran down

i did not frown

as her smile shone

and my heart sang

like a new dawn

her hand in mine

our hearts entwined

Veiled Mourning

we watched him frown
we watched him turn away
we watched him sigh
we watched him fade to grey

we saw him cry
we saw him crawl
we saw him keel
we saw him fall

we mourned his passing
we mourned his beauty bright
we mourned his presence
we mourned his spirit's light

all in that moment
all in that place
all in that shadow
all in that face

we knew he was dying
we knew he was failing
we knew he was fallen
we knew he was fading

though we did nothing
though we stood by
though we watched all
though we didn't cry

still he fought on
still he tried
still he struggled
still he died

Siren's Call

Walking empty streets
Not knowing the way
The future beneath my feet
Face turned to yesterday

Thinking it was all unfair
It must have been fate
That you were standing there
'Ere it was too late

I crashed into you unseeing
In this quiet place
Shaking my entire being
Though I never saw your face

I couldn't hear
When you spoke to me
Blinded by fear
I somehow couldn't see

But it was then that you said
That I should not be afraid
That I should look ahead
That my mistakes could be unmade

I should have been listening
I should have seen
You were all I was missing
All that might have been

Between Darkness and Flame

I wrote what follows for fun; it may or may not appear in my book and will likely undergo serious rewrites when/if it does. Just throwing this out there to say that the show is indeed still on.



It was the lone light of a candle that finally broke the darkness, sinuous shadows scattering wildly before the flickering flame. The light was so bright, after being blinded by the blackness, that she could not endure it, instead looking away with slitted eyes to assess the state of her body. Pain throbbed through her ankles in dull thrusts as if the iron manacles that encircled them were really serrated knives sawing through her flesh. Dark red rivulets oozed out from beneath the manacles to mingle with the dried crust of old blood. She could feel the weakness in her limbs. She struggled grimly to pull herself together, to sit up and face the candlebearer with stoic defiance, but it seemed that her body would not respond to her will. Nausea gripped her and she retched, though nothing came up but air. She collapsed on her side, breathing heavily. Still, she tried to face her tormentor. With as much feeble strength as she could muster, she tried to roll onto her back so she could see him. Sudden, harsh, derisive laughter greeted her ears, as the pain of a heavy blow hammered her head, followed by the return of sweet, merciful darkness.

It felt like an eternity had passed, but the candlelight was still there when she awoke once more, though much dimmer. From where she lay, sprawled on her side, she could see the candle sitting on the stone floor, burning low and guttering. Her head pounded painfully, echoing the throbbing in her ankles, so it was some time before the implications of the candle's presence sank in. She froze. A voice hissed from the darkness behind her.

"Where isss Nashhhina Arisssana? Where isss the Shhhadowsssong?"

Copyright Ryan Adams, October 12, 2008 (oh yes, i take this very seriously)

Hiatus

The Thesis keeps me busy.
Poetry and writing shall come again.
Fear not.