Second Time

Softly, softly I watch you sleep

Eyelids twitching as you dream.

Sleepless, I lay beside you.

Memories, memories

Of last time, come unbidden.

Sudden cry, cry of pain.

Nighttime rush and hurry

Waiting, waiting until

Closed doors barred the way

As they wheeled you in.

Interminable, interminable

Hours of agonized thoughts.

Circles, circles paced in vain.

Longing to see your face again,

Wanting to see both you and him.

Finally, finally the doors reopen

And they bring you out.

Speechless, terrified, time moves

Slowly, slowly enough to see

That something is wrong.

Lifeless, lifeless eyes do not see.

Limp arms drape over the edge.

You are barely alive and I want

To scream, scream at everything,

But I must be strong for you.

Frantic, frantic dash to the O.R.

Tried to comfort you, but you were

Too far gone to feel it.

Tears, tears falling on wet cheeks

Impossible suspense and pain.

Finally, finally the nurse came out

And with her she brought him!

And with him my life, life had new light.

But still I waited for you and

Worried my heart out.

Safe, safe and whole, they brought

You back to your room.

And my heart was full again.

Relieved, relieved you were alive

Because I had feared you were not.

Then they showed, showed us our son

And I'd never felt such joy as when

Looking upon you two together.

And knowing, knowing everything

Would be alright.

And now, now I look upon you sleeping

And see your rounded belly,

Anticipating, fretting about how

We are about to go through, through

This once again for her.

坏男人

一夏天在你的身边
说你喜欢我一点点
开心的信你后来发现
你不是我想的那个人

秋天开始冷的天
说你爱我还犯了贱
我怎么都没有发现
你会那么快的改变

Chorus (副歌):
坏男人说再见
后来也在看不见
你还是要点脸
Bad Man 别出现

寒冷的这个冬天
终于明白了一点
你的爱全都是谎言
没有你才是我的春天

Chorus x2

没有你才是我的春天

Bad man 别出现

没有你才是我的春天

*** A song I wrote in Chinese. Working on instrumental accompaniment at the moment. Who knows? Maybe you might great this somewhere someday. Please be nice, Mandarin is not my native language!

A Deeper Place

Shadowed boughs and coppered leaves
The smell of frost upon the breeze
I sit astride a branch and see
A deeper place beneath the trees

Far from all the sound and fury
Silence reigns with calmest beauty
Hardest choice laid out before me
I want to leave - I'm so sorry.

It's twilight now, the sun's gone down
But still I cannot help but frown
A tear I've shed without a sound
For a friend beneath the ground

Forgive me for I must atone
For leaving you beneath this stone
Such a dreary place and had I known.
I'd never have left you so alone.

Memory Lane

I wander out

Across the halls

Of shattered thoughts

And broken dreams,

Where musty floors

And careless wisps

Of all I've lost

Caress my feet

With gentle puffs

Of clinging dust

That coat my shoes

And weigh me down.

But, oh, the chains

I bear from you

That drag behind

With clouds of dust

And dismal clangs

On hallowed ground,

Where peace is lost

And love has failed

But still persists

In shuffling pain

To struggle forth

Down memory lane.

What does it mean to have an empty life?

I have plenty to be happy about.

I have much for which to be thankful.

I have great friends. I have a wonderful family.

I have known both love and heartbreak.

I have experienced joy, anger, sadness, fear, boredom and laughter.

I have accomplished and I have failed.

I have learned much and look forward to learning much more.

I have known both arrogant certainty and intense doubt.

What am I missing?

Hearts

and so it was

that when i saw

that what she does

is give to me

her heart so free

the wetness flowed

from bright blue eyes

and seemed to glow

as tears ran down

i did not frown

as her smile shone

and my heart sang

like a new dawn

her hand in mine

our hearts entwined

Veiled Mourning

we watched him frown
we watched him turn away
we watched him sigh
we watched him fade to grey

we saw him cry
we saw him crawl
we saw him keel
we saw him fall

we mourned his passing
we mourned his beauty bright
we mourned his presence
we mourned his spirit's light

all in that moment
all in that place
all in that shadow
all in that face

we knew he was dying
we knew he was failing
we knew he was fallen
we knew he was fading

though we did nothing
though we stood by
though we watched all
though we didn't cry

still he fought on
still he tried
still he struggled
still he died

Siren's Call

Walking empty streets
Not knowing the way
The future beneath my feet
Face turned to yesterday

Thinking it was all unfair
It must have been fate
That you were standing there
'Ere it was too late

I crashed into you unseeing
In this quiet place
Shaking my entire being
Though I never saw your face

I couldn't hear
When you spoke to me
Blinded by fear
I somehow couldn't see

But it was then that you said
That I should not be afraid
That I should look ahead
That my mistakes could be unmade

I should have been listening
I should have seen
You were all I was missing
All that might have been

Between Darkness and Flame

I wrote what follows for fun; it may or may not appear in my book and will likely undergo serious rewrites when/if it does. Just throwing this out there to say that the show is indeed still on.



It was the lone light of a candle that finally broke the darkness, sinuous shadows scattering wildly before the flickering flame. The light was so bright, after being blinded by the blackness, that she could not endure it, instead looking away with slitted eyes to assess the state of her body. Pain throbbed through her ankles in dull thrusts as if the iron manacles that encircled them were really serrated knives sawing through her flesh. Dark red rivulets oozed out from beneath the manacles to mingle with the dried crust of old blood. She could feel the weakness in her limbs. She struggled grimly to pull herself together, to sit up and face the candlebearer with stoic defiance, but it seemed that her body would not respond to her will. Nausea gripped her and she retched, though nothing came up but air. She collapsed on her side, breathing heavily. Still, she tried to face her tormentor. With as much feeble strength as she could muster, she tried to roll onto her back so she could see him. Sudden, harsh, derisive laughter greeted her ears, as the pain of a heavy blow hammered her head, followed by the return of sweet, merciful darkness.

It felt like an eternity had passed, but the candlelight was still there when she awoke once more, though much dimmer. From where she lay, sprawled on her side, she could see the candle sitting on the stone floor, burning low and guttering. Her head pounded painfully, echoing the throbbing in her ankles, so it was some time before the implications of the candle's presence sank in. She froze. A voice hissed from the darkness behind her.

"Where isss Nashhhina Arisssana? Where isss the Shhhadowsssong?"

Copyright Ryan Adams, October 12, 2008 (oh yes, i take this very seriously)

Hiatus

The Thesis keeps me busy.
Poetry and writing shall come again.
Fear not.

sunrise

willowy branches
dappled in shadow
sparkling with light
in the mellow dew
of morning's mist

lost in thoughts

sitting by himself
in a lonely corner
eyes upon the ceiling
counting the cracks
sunbeams cross the floor
as time slowly passes
he watches the dust
float through the air
bones ache and groan
but still he sits alone

a drop in the ocean

she sat alone upon the bluff
looking out across the sea
a song did issue from her lips
of sorrow soft and sweet
teardrops fell from her cheeks
to mingle far below
with salty waves and ocean spray
to drown in the deep

for friendship

today, i went to a housewarming party for a friend i've known for a long time. the theme of the party was that we had to create something decorative for her new room. some people made paintings and others made sculptures of fantastical creatures. my contribution was this poem, since i have very little artistic talent. my friend wrote it in watercolour paint and painted some flowers around it for me. the poem itself is lighthearted, but i think conveys the message of how all her friends care for her. the creatures in the poem are references to some of the paintings and sculptures that others created for her.


candles flicker and shadows dance
across the walls, figures prance
moving, changing with every glance
teasing you at every chance

you may see a hedgehog there
or rabbits breeding everywhere
and a robot, to be fair
all have beauty, all are rare

but look inside and you will see
that these creatures are meant to be
reflections of those you see
in your heart, roaming free

old wounds

appearing as if from thin air
a shimmering image of mist
in frosted, regal glory
she beheld ancient ruins
of a kingdom torn apart
in this there was no pain
only sadness in her heart
a reflection of her soul
lost in shadows

a king in my own mind

spinning further and deeper
i know you just want to help me
but i'm not in this to be your slave
push me harder, make me feel
like there's nothing in my world

and then i close my eyes

you judged me then, i used to be afraid
used to be afraid to let it show
but now i can drown the monster
make all the bad dreams go away
i refuse to be your slave

and when i close my eyes

a darkness falls, closing it all out,
brighter than any light of day
in there you cannot touch me
no matter how hard you may try
you judge me now, but i'm not bowed

a king in my own mind


*** modified lyrics to suit my mood from the song "The Quiet Place" by In Flames. all credit for original lyrics go to them***

a sunny afternoon

we make music
in the daylight
watch the sun fly
across blue sky
we just lie here
on the green grass
breeze gently flows
as we compose
fingers entwined
lips softly brush
the music soars
we kiss some more

upon the shores of eire

in the darkest hours
we dance by moon's light
eyes shining brightly
shadows in the night
prancing on the sand
spirits taking flight
azure and emerald
such a wondrous sight

risks of wishes

to sail around the world
to drive a fancy car
to ride a motorcycle
to travel very far

to follow every dream
to catch a falling star
to make a wistful wish
to see her from afar

to hope for her favour
to keep the door ajar
to allow her in my heart
to invite a future scar

mysterious

i look at her sometimes,
that girl who i love,
and i wonder
who is it that i see?

a million worlds
behind those eyes,
inaccessible,
as she smiles at me